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| Friday, May 9th, 2008 | | 3:53 pm |
New Haven, you are a cesspool and I sound like a ranting republican.
You know, there were a lot of bullshitty things I didn't like about living in New Haven. I hated the proximity of my (mostly rude) neighbors, the drunks screaming up my block after last call, the nonstop blasting of music from cars driving by, the absolutely idiotic immigrant ID card program which was slipped in by the mayor without asking any of the tax payers ("In a vote of 25 to one, the New Haven Board of Aldermen voted today to accept $250,359 in private funds from the First City Fund Corporation to support the Mayor’s Municipal Identification Program." Really! Who the fuck did the Board of Aldermen check with? ) I hated the almost FIFTEEN HUNDRED dollars a year I paid in car taxes that NEVER reflected depreciation.
So, when I read that DeStefano is cutting basically every school program he can get his asshole hands on, raising property taxes 9.8 percent, closing 3 police substations, getting rid of anything that would even make New Haven a tiny bit tolerable WHILE ACCEPTING A sixteen THOUSAND DOLLAR raise and blaming Rell (I don't love her, but this shit is not her fault) for the whole thing? Fucckkkk that. | | Thursday, May 8th, 2008 | | 4:23 pm |
OLD LADY INTERNET QUESTION
But what does XD mean, when people use it at the end of sentences? Is it some text emoticon? WHAT IS IT? | | Monday, May 5th, 2008 | | 2:41 pm |
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
Do bananas make you poop or do they constipate you? I am hearing and reading completely different things.
Answer me! | | Sunday, April 27th, 2008 | | 7:57 pm |
I see!
Me, boarding surprisingly mobbed 8:50 plane back to Hartford, to flight attendent: I am stunned this flight is so crowded! I expected it to be totally empty.
Flight Attendant: Dr. Seuss! | | Friday, April 18th, 2008 | | 12:15 pm |
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Ladies: if you're going to use one of those toilet seat covers in the bathroom, MAKE SURE THE F ING THING FLUSHES WHEN YOU'RE DONE. I mean, this isn't brain surgery, it's just good common sense. You don't want your ass on the seat anymore than I want to touch the thing that your ass has been on to protect you from the seat because I'd be willing to bet the seat is cleaner than your ass.
GOD. | | 9:30 am |
Okay, I'm going to
give Grayson the benefit of the doubt, because apparently, Nick found the rest of the bunny nest in the yard, and they had claw marks all over them, and there were hawks circling the yard, SO I will concede that she probably did not KILL the baby, she just chowed down on something that was already dead. Which doesn't bother me at all. Because I am a freak.
This morning, I was waiting for Nick to get something out of the office, and was looking out the window and there was a GIANT BLACK CAT hanging out by the now empty nest, kind of pawing and sniffing. I feel like between a big old cat and a big old hawk, it is really not likely that my spastic dog chased down and killed a rabbit. Particularly since she didn't chase the adult rabbit in the yard this morning.
NATURE. STOP IT. | | Thursday, April 17th, 2008 | | 9:31 am |
I think I hate living in the country.** Since the weather finally seems to be turning to spring, there's been a surge in wildlife in the yard, specifically rabbits. Even before seeing the rabbits, we knew SOMETHING was out there, because when we put the dogs out before going to bed, Grayson would take off after SOMETHING like a shot, and I was never 100 percent worried that she'd ever catch a full grown rabbit, since those fuckers are QUICK, and Grayson, despite being pretty agile for a 12 year old dog, is always a little clumsy and doesn't have all of her teeth, so I figured everything would be fine. Now, I was not a witness to what happened, and it's difficult to be completely sure the baby bunny wasn't already dead or injured when it ended up in my yard, since I don't have access to the scientific CSI equipment necessary to peice together the timeframe of the yard massacre, but I DO know that if you're going to catch, kill (presumably) and eat something that much smaller than yousrelf, EAT THE WHOLE THING. Don't leave behind the DARK MEAT SECTION, jesus christ, dog! And furthermore, weren't you RAISED better than that?! Did you not have food in your damn bowl before you went off on your (alleged) killing spree?! WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD YOU NEED TO EAT A BABY RABBIT!? AND AND AND, if you absolutely HAD to eat it, WHY NOT DO A LITTLE GROOMING BEFORE YOU COME BACK INTO THE HOUSE? Did I need to see you all splattered with blood and YES SOME FLESHY INNARD BITS?! I didn't! I hope it was worth it, because our relationship has changed FOREVER. I will never EVER be able to look at that cute little face again without thinking HOLY SHIT YOU ATE A BABY RABBIT. **not really. I'd rather feed grayson a litter of tasty baby animals than move back to New Haven. | | Thursday, April 10th, 2008 | | 12:55 pm |
Confession So yeah, I will grant that she is smart, but I find it difficult to believe that in a world where Kelly Clarkson is called a fatty, and Beyonce is CURVY that Tina Fey is sexy. I would go so far as to say that in this particular photo, she looks a trifle touched in the head (which is likely why she reminds me of my Great Aunt Marianna). | | Saturday, March 29th, 2008 | | 9:07 am |
| | Tuesday, March 25th, 2008 | | 3:12 pm |
Eliot Spitzer, ruining it for everyone. THANKS. NIH Implementation of Trafficking in Persons Award Term
Notice Number: NOT-OD-08-055 Key Dates
Release Date: March 7, 2008 Trafficking in persons.
a. Provisions applicable to a recipient that is a private entity. 1. You as the recipient, your employees, subrecipients under this award, and subrecipients’ employees may not— i. Engage in severe forms of trafficking in persons during the period of time that the award is in effect;
ii. Procure a commercial sex act during the period of time that the award is in effect; or
iii. Use forced labor in the performance of the award or subawards under the award. 2. We as the Federal awarding agency may unilaterally terminate this award, without penalty, if you or a subrecipient that is a private entity — i. Is determined to have violated a prohibition in paragraph a.1 of this award term; or
ii. Has an employee who is determined by the agency official authorized to terminate the award to have violated a prohibition in paragraph a.1 of this award term through conduct that is either— A. Associated with performance under this award; or
B. Imputed to you or the subrecipient using the standards and due process for imputing the conduct of an individual to an organization that are provided in 2 CFR part 180, ‘‘OMB Guidelines to Agencies on Governmentwide Debarment and Suspension (Nonprocurement),’’ as implemented by our agency at 2 CFR part 376. ..... d. Definitions. For purposes of this award term:
1. ‘‘Employee’’ means either: i. An individual employed by you or a subrecipient who is engaged in the performance of the project or program under this award; or
ii. Another person engaged in the performance of the project or program under this award and not compensated by you including, but not limited to, a volunteer or individual whose services are contributed by a third party as an in-kind contribution toward cost sharing or matching requirements. 2. ‘‘Forced labor’’ means labor obtained by any of the following methods: the recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision, or obtaining of a person for labor or services, through the use of force, fraud, or coercion for the purpose of subjection to involuntary servitude, peonage, debt bondage, or slavery. 3. ‘‘Private entity’’: i. Means any entity other than a State, local government, Indian tribe, or foreign public entity, as those terms are defined in 2 CFR 175.25.
ii. Includes: A. A nonprofit organization, including any nonprofit institution of higher education, hospital, or tribal organization other than one included in the definition of Indian tribe at 2 CFR 175.25(b).
B. A for-profit organization. 4. ‘‘Severe forms of trafficking in persons,’’ ‘‘commercial sex act,’’ and ‘‘coercion’’ have the meanings given at section 103 of the TVPA, as amended (22 U.S.C. 7102). Inquiries should be directed to:
Division of Grants Policy
Office of Policy for Extramural Research Administration
National Institutes of Health
6705 Rockledge Drive, Suite 350
Bethesda, MD 20892
Telephone: (301) 435-0938
FAX: (301) 435-3059
Email: GrantsPolicy@od.nih.gov
It used to be that everyone could use their grant money to buy Thai lady boys, but NO MORE.
| | Thursday, March 20th, 2008 | | 1:44 pm |
tmc On the floating, shapeless oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes. And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;
Let me enfold you." Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail? Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I lie with death my bride? Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you." | | Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 | | 12:33 pm |
lc
Now in Vienna there are ten pretty women.
There's a shoulder where death comes to cry.
There's a lobby with nine hundred windows.
There's a tree where the doves go to die.
There's a piece that was torn from the morning,
and it hangs in the Gallery of Frost --
Ay, ay ay ay
Take this waltz, take this waltz,
take this waltz with the clamp on its jaws.
I want you, I want you, I want you
on a chair with a dead magazine.
In the cave at the tip of the lily,
in some hallway where love's never been.
On a bed where the moon has been sweating,
in a cry filled with footsteps and sand --
Ay, ay ay ay
Take this waltz, take this waltz,
take its broken waist in your hand.
This waltz, this waltz, this waltz, this waltz
with its very own breath
of brandy and death,
dragging its tail in the sea.
There's a concert hall in Vienna
where your mouth had a thousand reviews.
There's a bar where the boys have stopped talking,
they've been sentenced to death by the blues.
Ah, but who is it climbs to your picture
with a garland of freshly cut tears?
Ay, ay ay ay
Take this waltz, take this waltz,
take this waltz, it's been dying for years.
There's an attic where children are playing,
where I've got to lie down with you soon,
in a dream of Hungarian lanterns,
in the mist of some sweet afternoon.
And I'll see what you've chained to your sorrow,
all your sheep and your lilies of snow --
Ay, ay ay ay
Take this waltz, take this waltz
with its "I'll never forget you, you know!"
And I'll dance with you in Vienna,
I'll be wearing a river's disguise.
The hyacinth wild on my shoulder
my mouth on the dew of your thighs.
And I'll bury my soul in a scrapbook,
with the photographs there and the moss.
And I'll yield to the flood of your beauty,
my cheap violin and my cross.
And you'll carry me down on your dancing
to the pools that you lift on your wrist --
O my love, O my love
Take this waltz, take this waltz,
it's yours now. It's all that there is.
| | Saturday, March 15th, 2008 | | 10:10 am |
notes from my 7 week gym tenure.
1.) The wackier the person is dressed, the more likely it will be that they sing aloud to themselves. (This morning's example: flowered slip over a bra, belting out some nutbag ditty)
2.) The longer it takes someone to choose a machine and set themselves up on the chosen machine is reversely proportionate for the amount of time they spend on said machine.
2a) The more stuff they tote along with them, the quicker the workout.
3.) It's never ok to be all HELLO? HELLO? OH NOTHING I'M AT THE GYM NO, SERIOUSLY! I KNOW RIGHT? I'M TALKING TO YOU FROM THE TREADMILL! HAA HAAA ISN'T THAT A RIOT?
4.) If a person has a hand deformity (let's say they only have a stumpy thumb and a abbreviated pinky finger) and they hop onto the machine next to me, it is a fact that they'll know half the people at the gym on a Saturday morning at 7:30, and will wave VIGOROUSLY at them. Using the claw hand. Which is hard not to stare at, I'm only human.
5.) If an older woman (you choose your own definition of older, to some of you I'm an older woman) spends more than 2 minutues huffing and flouncing because she wants the machine you, or the person next to you is on, and she finally gets the machine, and she SEES that you've already cleaned it off with the cleaner and the towels and whatnot, and she RE-cleans it, you are 100 percent in for a treat because this lady is going to be nuts times OCD and she's going to turn to you after she mutters to herself ominously for a couple minutes, and shout "AM I RIGHT???" You will wish for the claw hand's gentle distraction. It's never right to engage.
6.) There's ALWAYS some leathery tan superfit 65 year old powerwalking her balls off on a treadmill and making a huge show of it, She always AND I MEAN ALWAYS has frosty blonde hair, and believes that she looks 35. She also wears jazzercisey/let's get physical outfits. She stomps so agressively as she walks, people around her abandon their machines because she's extremely distracting and not a just little bit scary.
7.) Teenage girls who come after school with those sweatsuits that say shit across the ass (note: it would be sort of awesome if they really DID say the word SHIT across the ass) are not there to work out, they are there to walk slowly in front of the old guys (again, you choose your definition of old guy) and bend over. Also, to look at the pimply boys their own age and giggle.
8.) Old guys (and I do really mean OLD guys, like 70+) who work out in the morning often bring coffee, and bullshit the entire time AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS to the person next to them, about the most mundane shit you could even cook up.
9.) If you bring two newspapers, a hardcover book AND A MIMEOGRAPHED PAMPHLET, splattered in blood called "Advanced Home Wound Care", you maybe should consider going to a library or staying the hell home. You shouldn't be THAT bored, and if you have a wound that requires care, you maybe want to keep your wound in a more sanitary place than the sweaty gym.
10.) Oohh, your friend is here! That's awesome! I'm sorry there isn't a free machine for her to use right next to you, so you can comfortably gossip about Mrs So and So, but the appropriate place for her to stand is NOT LEANING ON THE MACHINE I'M USING, and certainly not for more than 30 seconds. Also, why aren't you at work?
11.) There is no need to begin the treadmill with your legs on the sides, it's not going to do anything surprising, they start slowly. You'll be ok, I promise.
12.) I appreciate the fact that there are TVs for people to view, but why, out of 10 TVs are 4 of them CNN, 5 sports, and one a cartoon? | | Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 | | 10:38 am |
It's True! So, around about 1994 or maybe 1993 or even 1995, the point being I was probably cozied up to a bottle of Southern Comfort at the time so I don't remember exactly, my friends and I all went to Wigstock, and it was a blast, of course because everyone and I mean everyone loves a drag queen (don't quibble, most people do) and the rememberance of a posse of drag queens stopping and boarding one of those double decker sight seeing busses to the utter confusion and dismay of the fanny pack tourists is not something I will ever be able to think of and not smile, because come ON, drag queens are fine fine fine. In any event, I was standing on the West Side Highway (on the sidewalk, not in the middle of the highway although many of the side streets were closed due to spontaneous voguing and Paris-is-Burning-like dancing busting out all over), waiting for a friend who'd gone into a store (for more beer? Cigarettes? I don't recall), and I was just leaning up on a wall, kinda taking in the whole day, when a shadow passed in front of me. I looked up, and in front of me is a fucking Glamazon, perhaps the tallest human being I have ever seen in my life, in five inch heels and when I say perfect hair and makeup, I mean SPOT ON, the wig was on point, the outfit was fierce, in sum, I was a little slackjawed because she was beautiful. She grabs my shoulders with (of course) long, manicured nails, turns to a friend who appeared next to her, says to the friend: SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT STRAIGHT GIRLS?!?!
I am agog, to say the least, and can not even fathom what straight girl thing I've done. She turns her head to me, sighs DRAMATICALLY and says:
GIRL, YOU AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH!!!
grabs her friend by the arm, and runway strides it away from me, and disappears into the crowd.
| | Wednesday, March 5th, 2008 | | 9:32 am |
Why did I choose fives for this? No idea. The Five Songs Pandora thinks I love more than any other 5 songs, based on how often they're played:
1.) Charlotte Sometimes: The Cure
2.) Fifteen Minutes: The Greenskeepers
3.) It Never Rains in Southern California: Albert Hammond
4.) Second Chance: 38 Special
5.) Sailing: Christopher Cross
| | Saturday, February 16th, 2008 | | 10:08 pm |
Honestly, I must be overtired Because I've been playing with this for about 15 solid minutes and laughing like a goon the whole time. | | Monday, February 4th, 2008 | | 1:55 pm |
I had NO IDEA. It's no secret that I love love love the Kenny Rogers song "The Gambler". And with god as my witness, until I saw this, (which is kind of horrible and creepy, so be warned) I had NO IDEA the Gambler in the song DIES!!! Which apparently EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD knew other than me, and I can not wrap my brain around the fact that the non gambler character in the song (which I'm thinking is supposed to be Kenny himself) is just sitting there WITH A CORPSE! I think that I might, you know, CALL THE CONDUCTOR OVER the moment The Gambler started his downward spiral towards DEATH and not just sit there ruminating in song. GOD! | | Friday, February 1st, 2008 | | 9:13 am |
This isn't until October, but the begging starts NOW. Please see here. Give what you can. Some of you will remember that I did the AIDSride in 2000 (some of you may not, but I got on a bike and rode 275 miles for AIDS research). Through the astounding generosity of you guys, my oldschool Bobofett readers, and friends, and everyone in the world, I managed to raise about $8k. Since my reach on the internet isn't as mighty, I'm asking you guys to be my mouthpiece. Tell your friends! Tell your family! Beg and plead for me! 2200 is a huge huge amount of money, and I literally will not be able to do it without you. Also, EVERYONE LIKES BREASTS. So, help me walk until my feet bleed, help me get this donation stuff out of the way so I can concentrate on getting good enough shape so that a 60 mile walk (SIXTY MILES!!!!!!!!!!!!) won't kill me. I'm not getting any younger, here. Also, if that link doesn't work for you (because it seems long and weird to me), you can search for my name. | | Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 | | 4:43 pm |
You're free to disagree
But the word "fatosphere" makes me want to kill baby polar bears. | | Saturday, January 26th, 2008 | | 11:20 am |
One song, glory. The last time Nicole and I saw Rent, it was 1999. I wasn't yet 30, Nicole was just about 22. It was winter, in New York, and we took the train down for the day. I knew about it, but not exactly, and neither of us were entirely sure what we were going to experience, and after it was over, we both felt overwhelmed with love for our city, and (at least I) was notstalgic for the life I'd lead before I moved up to Connecticut. A few days ago, we decided we wanted to go out on Friday night and realized that Rent was playing at the Schubert in downtown New Haven. We made a big date plan and went last night. From the onset, it was totally different and wrong. I mean, the music was still exactly the same as we'd remembered, but for me, the pivitol character is Angel (more die-hard Rent people may disagree), and as soon as this touring cast member Angel took the stage, we both turned into grumpy old women, because s/he was just WRONG. I'm not sure if it's because we're both 9 years older, but the whole play struck us the wrong way. An example--when Mimi is getting ready to go out, and is all done up in her tight pants and singing about how she never pays to get in anywhere and does a very acrobatic dance through some fencing (see here), Nicole leaned into me and said "Well, GOOD FOR HER!!" as I had been sitting there thinking "ooh, be careful! you don't have health insurance! And you're HIV positive!" The scene at Life Cafe (which made me feel super old, because I used to go there, often, in college) just pissed me off. It also didn't feel relevant anymore. Maybe not relevant is the wrong word, but not fresh or contemporary, and seeing in in New Haven, surrounded by people who would drive their Range Rover through a protest to get to an organic farmer's market for brown eggs seemed sort of creepy, like OH, MILDRED LOOK AT THE FUNNY CHARACTERS, BUT DON'T ENGAGE THEM THEY WILL JUST ASK YOU FOR MONEY LOCK THE DOORS LOCK THE DOORS!!! For me, what made Rent so moving was the whole experience of seeing it in New York, in the dingy Nederlander Theater, with the uncomfortable seats and hearing traffic noise from outside. Seeing it in the ancient Shubert, in the heart of Yale didn't give it the same grit or depth of emotion. This isn't to say the cast wasn't good, because they were (except for Angel, who was barely comprehensible both singing and talk/singing). I guess when you start to identify more with the bad guy character (Benny) than the kids who are out there singing their hearts out and wanting to hold demonstrations in the empty lot and need to heat their squatted apartment with garbage cans filled with paper, (Me: "GOD, it would be annoying to live next door to those assholes. They'd be banging on empty plastic containers and leaping on and off tables when I was trying to sleep!" Nicole: "Why the FUCK don't they all just get jobs? JESUS!"), it's time to realize that any bohemian leanings I'd ever had are years since long gone. I blame Angel. And the Shubert. And maybe also in the years since I've seen it, I've become a completely different person. Not better or worse, but just different. |
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